Turkey in my yard

When Hanna, my wife, went to Maine to visit her folks she asked me "What would you like me to bring back for you?" Of course, I said "Anything to do with turkeys."

Her enquiries at book stores in Brunswick and Portland met with a lot of jokes and giggles.

"Don't you mean Turkey, the country?"

It seems that books about wild turkeys are not popular and the ones that are easily available are either about turkey farming or turkey hunting. Hanna does not look like a farmer or a hunter but she gamely visited a couple of hunting stores on my behalf.

Hunting is not "my thing" but I spent my childhood among hunters and even wanted to be a game keeper on a grouse moor. My dad's interest in wildlife was genuine but partly based on the fact that you could eat it and I still kill a few fish to eat myself. My brain and my upbringing tell me that sustainable hunting is defensible and possibly a noble sport but increasingly these days my heart is just not in it.

In the town of Freeport in Maine there are three major outfitters for hunters and they are all household names over there. Cabelas is a ghoulish place, full of stuffed trophies and cross-bows. I went there once for fishing gear and left empty-handed and feeling dirty. Orvis has a reputation for first rate fishing gear and trendy "country clothing" for townsfolk. Their hunting section still exists but it is kept under the counter so as not to offend their non-hunting clientele.

Freeport was a small Maine coastal village before the LL Bean company set up its store out near Highway One. Bean's had been a local hunting and fishing outfitters, based in Portland, for many years but they saw the summer visitors pass them by on their way to their vacations in summer camps and cottages and decided to market the trappings of outdoor life to them.  Over the years, LL Bean has moved from being a purist huntin'-shootin'-and-fishin' store to become a tourist trap in itself and the products it sells have become more fashionable and less practical. All the same, they still sell some great gear and they are open all day and night. If you suddenly wake at 1 am and realise you need more bass flies, you can drive down to the store and stock up before your family knows you have gone. You might return with a new canoe, a mountain bike or a basket for your dog.

In the hunting department the large gun section is fairly discreetly tucked away so that you can pass through the racks of camouflaged coats, hats boots, britches and gloves and past the trap-cameras and torches on your way to the fishing department, without being aware of the firearms. All the same, the gun section is teeming with customers who are seriously going to buy a rifle on their way up to their summer rental. If you notice a high number of French speakers, these are Canadians who have come the other way, mainly to shop.

So Hanna uneasily approached the two middle-aged, chubby, bearded guys at the till and explained her problem. "You won't find that anyone laughs at you at LL Bean's, Ma'am."

She left the store with an arm-full of turkey-related merchandise and a lot of information. That's the thing about Bean's; they take their job seriously and do everything to cater to their diverse clientele. The best thing about the place is the staff who are usually really knowledgeable about their specialist department.

So what did I get? I got a rubber turkey! She's now my little piece of Maine at the bottom of our garden. I would like to get a male bird to go with her, but they were out of stock because Hanna's visit was outside the hunting season for turkeys in Maine. She was told that female decoys are the most popular because it's the males you want to attract. All I can say is that it hasn't worked yet.